So here it is... the largest collection of f***ed up iPhone cases in the world. If this was America and not the internet, you'd probably find this collection somewhere along Route 66 near Pig's Knuckle Missouri, next to the largest ball of twine in the world and across the road from the Museum of Cheese. We have trawled the back streets of Etsy, scoured the souks of Ali Baba and we've even looked into the future, to find and present to you some of the stupidest and most brilliant uses for plastic, felt and wood in the world. Enjoy or endure.
As most of this list will be hard enough to get your head around, we've attempted to make it less confusing by categorising some of the madness. It doesn't, and won't help, but at least we tried.
Let's start with....
1) KFC Chicken Drumstick iPhone Cases (finger lickin'...we'll just stop there)
This one's from the Colonel... and frankly it's about time! We were literally fuming in the office the other day, trying to work out why no one had invented a chicken drumstick iPhone 6 case. Thanks KFC, our lives are now complete.... and it tastes just like KFC too... mmmmm...
2) Baby's Bottle iPhone 6 Case (yes, someone somewhere, with a factory, thought this was the way forward)
This one's for the fetishists or the Japanese... or Japanese fetishists. Nothing says 'stay away from me, I've got a patio full of dead hookers', quite like holding a giant baby's pacifier to your ear every time you have to make a call (probably to your psychiatrist)....
3) 3D Food Pervy & Weird iPhone Cases
There's a bunch of these. They are all weird. If you own one, you'll probably want them all, in which case please Google 'I need therapy...' and dial the first number you see
So you really like food and you want the whole world to know. This snappy range can make your wildest food-iest dreams come true. Except the one about covering yourself in cold baked beans, which is basically what you really want to do isn't it? Come on, own up... you like food... sexy sexy food....
4) Vodka Bottle iPhone 6 Cases ( yes it's a vodka bottle... no it's not clever)
We get it, you like Vodka. You're probably 17 and you bought this in Magaluf when you were off your nut on Jager bombs? Let's recap.... exactly how much did you pay for this elegant piece of marketing? Well we have news for you Timmy... they ABSOLUTLEY saw you coming.....
5) Edible iPhone Case (WTF?)
We may laugh (well OK we WILL laugh), but this case at least serves a purpose. Yes, you can actually eat it... It's made of brown rice and salt and probably tastes as bad as it looks, but still, if you're hungry and you've forgotten your sarnies, then it's a snip at $80.
Now we've whetted your appetite for the worst in iPhone cases let's move on to a personal favourite category of mine.
6) Cockroach Silicone iPhone 6 Case (for any budding entomologist plushophiles out there)
Yes it's a cockroach! Admittedly it's a soft, plushy and possibly quite cute cockroach, if such a thing exists, but it's still a bug. Look, you don't need to speak to anyone if you don't want to, and please stop looking at me like that.
7) Lobster iPhone Case (or should that be iLobster?)
Oddly I think I can see the method to this madness. 'Jim? Do you still have those 10.000 novelty plastic lobsters? From the Chinese Year of the Lobster party? You do! Great, I've got a brilliant idea!” It's also worth mentioning that it wouldn't be a great idea to leave this beside you on the beach, because some tree hugger is bound to try and reintroduce it into the wild.
8) Half Cat iPhone Case (no we don't get it either)
If words ever fail me...this would do it. Thankfully they never have. This is half a cat....and it's not even the half you'd expect. We do love the little bell though. Although I feel the need to point out... it's still half a cat.
9) iPhone Whale iPhone 5 Case (nope... I think we've described this one perfectly)
It's a blue whale and you'll never guess where its blow-hole is. Still the tail does make a handy stand if you want to turn your iPhone into a little cinema to watch Free Willy or other whale related movies. There's a name for people like you, who like little gel animals... I don't know what it is, but it's probably not a nice name.
10) Isopod iPhone Case (if we can Google it... then so can you)
We've done creepy crawlies already, although to be fair the last one was kind of cute. This thing looks like something from an 80's episode of Doctor Who. The good news is that only 500 will ever be made and the even better news is that they are stupidly expensive. So the chances of you finding one under your bed are slim.
Moving on from Animals please allow us to present iPhone cases that are supposed to look like....
11) Creepy Hand iPhone Case ( Yep once again...we've nailed the header)
Quirky? Me? No! Yes, it's a fake rubber hand for your iPhone, so that when you're waiting for the friends you don't have, to not call... you can leave it lying around to terrify your mother, who you clearly still live with...
12) The Booby iPhone 5S Case ( or is that prize?)
No you haven't gone mad.... this iPhone case really is a pair of tits. We're shuddering to think of the meetings and pitches and research involved in turning this insane product into a reality, but here they are in all their perky glory. Why these guys aren't working for NASA is still a mystery to us all here in the office.
13) Ear Shaped Funny iPhone Cases (not much we can add really)
What we have here is a giant ear, which you hold to your ear when you make a call. If you have two iPhones, then you could in theory hold both to your ears and pretend to have massive ears, or you could borrow your friend's case... oh wait you can't, because you haven't got any friends. Still the gag would still work if you only had one ear! No, wait, sorry it wouldn't... because the joke's so damn far from funny, it would die of exposure if it ever tried to walk back.
14) Nose Shaped iPhone 5S Case (who knows?)
I can only assume they got really bored in the moulding room, when Hana came up with the silicon Nose case. Which has, as you can see, a nose on the back. It's described as a 'handy way to hold your phone while making calls,' as you can insert two fingers. Perfect for anyone too lazy to actually use their other fingers. I'm just glad they didn't have access to the moulding room during the office Christmas party or there might have been somewhere else to stick two fingers.
So we've got the anatomy out of the way, let's move on to another of my favourites...
15) Hand Gun iPhone 5 / 5S Case (kind of... but I'm also just pleased to see you)
At last an iPhone case for those who love to travel. If your departures are just too easy, why not add this unique handgun shaped iPhone case to your hand luggage? It may well add 45 minutes or so extra to each flight as you explain the hilarity of the joke and that you are an idiot and not a terrorist.
16) Mace Spraying iPhone 5 Case (Someone had to do it... well OK they didn't, but they did anyway)
Here it is the perfect case for blinding children. It really is the best iPhone case for those Sunday afternoon picnic selfies. Oh how we laughed on the way to A & E, when little Jenny tried to take a family portrait. We should point out this case is probably illegal EVERYWHERE, except possibly Texas and parts of Bulgaria.
17) Knuckleduster iPhone Case ( In the olden days when Gangsters drove jags, they would punch each other with these things instead of popping caps)
Keeping with the 'When I was younger I killed a man' range... how about this little beauty. People will think twice about stealing your iPhone after they see you wielding this... not because you look tough, but because clearly you're a moron.
18) Stun-Gun Taser iPhone 5S Case ( yes this is real... God alone knows why)
Presumably from the back pages of Guns and Ammo. Once again worth pointing out, it's probably illegal everywhere except America and the other parts of Bulgaria. Regardless, just imagine the fun when your domestic partner (assuming you have one, which frankly is a BIG leap of the imagination) tries to secretly read your texts... unless of course it goes off in your pocket first, which to be fair, is probably for the best.
19) Titan Blade Case (sorry, doesn't come with the sword)
I was in two minds about adding this to the 'stuff from films and games catagory', but this Attack on Titan Blade case can't help it if it looks like a samurai sword. Well OK, it looks like a sword hilt... Still the handle actually works, and by works, I mean it opens the camera. Oh it's just like being in the game... except, not really....
20) Massive Comedy Banana Case (...)
OK technically this could have gone under food, but there's an issue....it's not the fact is a banana, I mean yeah, I don't get that... but why the hell does it have to be so big... there's more silicon here than at a Footballers Wives' party.
21) Rock iPhone Case (…not an actual rock)
Yes it's a rock. If you really want to make your phone look like a rock then this is really the only case for you. Although if this is your idea of style, Christ alone knows what your house looks like. Also, try not to confuse it with other rocks.
22) Apple Shaped iPhone Case (you'd get it if it looked more like an apple)
I can see what they did here... you have an 'Apple' iPhone so they brought out a case that looks like an Apple, well a half eaten apple and being honest, it's not really convincing at that. You're only likely to own this case if you bought it under the influence of mind altering substances.
23) Mug Shaped iPhone Case (for mugs)
A silicon case which makes your phone look like a mug. Of course! Why ever not! After all, it now comes with a handle on the back so you can hold it like a mug, (you that is... not the case)
24) Suitcase Shaped iPhone 6 Covers (not to scale)
Aw look, it's a little suitcase for your iPhone. It's got little stickers to show you where it's been and little wheels so you can wheel it along the floor... well you could if you were about 8 inches high (or possibly just high?) The connection? Well let's see, some suitcases are also rectangular. How did we miss that?
25) Broken SkateBoard iPhone Case (logically it had to happen one day)
I was just going to throw this one in the WTF section. It's a skate board, no wait it's half a skateboard and it's half a skateboard because... well I spent some time on this question and I still can't figure it out. Still it could be worse ( as I have demonstrated repeatedly above.)
26) Bottle Opener iPhone Case (aka The Aussie Army Knife)
Finally something we can use....or at least people who work in bars and drink beer can use. It's only available in Australia, which kind of makes sense, as the Australians are the only people in the world who need this. As you can see, it opens your bottles and it makes phone calls... genius! First World Problems? Not us.
27) iPhone 6 Lighter Case (as in cigarette... not carbon fibre)
Isn't technology great? Just as the rest of the world finally gives up smoking and takes up the vapestick, this Chinese tech start-up comes up with a handy gadget for setting fire to your ear.
28) iFoolish Drawing Board iPhone Case (we called them etch-a-sketches in my day)
For those who really like the iPhone, but don't actually want to use any of its functions. This Sketch-a-set iPhone case is the perfect solution. Stuff the silly free iStore and all those daft apps, if you want to write things down on your iphone, then write it in crayon on the front. It's what technology is all about.
29) Measuring Tape iPhone 5 Case (the perfect marriage)
This case sounds like a really good idea untll you actually think about it. Sure it's handy to have a measuring tape down on the bulding site... unfortunately it's also the last place you'd want to take your iPhone 5. Building sites are why Nokia is still in business, because brickies have a tendency to nail their 7100 to floor boards, brick them into walls and generally drop them from great heights. The company which makes this (otherwise very clever) case, further ruins things by pointing out that they do not provide an app to record the measurements taken and recommends writing them down... (or perhaps you could use an App made by a company with some form of clue.)
30) Multi Tool iPhone 6 Plus Cases (See the Aussie army knife above, but add in useless scissors)
So now your phone can do everything! And by everything, I mean it can do everything you can get free from a chritmas cracker. Nail file, crappy screwdriver and red and blue mini pens all make a showing. Brilliant! But how long before you lose at least one of the bits? Well I reckon it would last at least an hour.
31) Chalkboard Case ( not to be confused with the Drawing Board Case, see above)
Once again some bright spark has come up with a way to add an extra dimension to your iphone. Believe it or not this black board case enables you to create semi permanent messages on the back of your actual phone and in chalk no less. I know! We were speechless in the office too. (Sadly it does not come with a blackboard eraser which would have been very useful to lob at the inventor's head)
32) MYPHONEREADERS iPhone 6 Case with built-in reading glasses (It's like NOT 3D, but WITH the glasses)
Kickstarter Page: http://kck.st/1fkoBvO
By the time you read this, Dr Eric Radzil, will probably have headed back to his day job tail firmly between his legs.... but for the last week, he's been on the brink of creating something new. An iPhone case which has its own built-in pair of reading glasses, which snugly attach to the case by using magnets. There are probably worse ideas out there, but not many. We salute Dr Radzil and you never know, it might still happen... (except it won't)
33) Selfie Hair Brush Cases for iPhone (STOP POSTING PICTURES ON FACEBOOK!)
There's quite a growth martket in cases designed to help you post more and more pictures of yourself on the internet, in a weird attempt to build the self esteem you are so clearly lacking. This one is one of the worst. It's a hair brush on one side and it has a mirror on the back. You could probably use the handle to help you throw up too, if you're still not getting the attention you so evidently crave. (Guys if you're thinking about doing any of these things go speak to someone... seriously)
34) Bra Pocket iPhone Case ( Over-Shoulder-iPhone-Holder )
Just in case you weren't sure how to get breast cancer, or just really like answering your phone with your armpit, this handy gadget addresses both these issues simultaneously. Oh, one minor point.... you'll probably have to go out without a top on to get full functionality and effect. Or you could just get a handbag.
35) Fonhandle iPhone 5 / 5S Covers ( Nope, don't even know where to start....)
We've seen this idea before (just above in fact). It's basically a big comb with an iPhone case built in. Whether the handle is for selfies, brushing your hair, or whatever else you're supposed to do with it... is a moot point. It's ugly and stupid and you'd be better off giving your money away to someone with either taste or a brain.
36) High Heel Hell Case for iPhone (in these shoes?... I don't think so!)
Now here's a handy bit of tech. We all know phones are heavy and that ladies lack space and places to keep things. With that in mind, the creators of this nifty pair of shoes with a built in phone case, will come as welcome news, until that is they actually want to use their phone or ever have to step through a puddle.
Next up on our journey to discover the worst cases known to (wo)mankind are
37) Retro iPhone Case (Brick Mobile)
Apple have spent millions making their trademark beautiful and functional phones, but the good news is, if you're insane, you can completely spoil that look by wasting just a few pounds on this ridiculous monstrosity. 1989 here we go!
38) iDontBend iPhone 6 / iPhone 6 Plus Cases (I could have come up with a snappier title, but I was too busy breathing)
I kind of get this, it's like a little suit of armour for your iPhone. In case it ever falls out of a plane or you have a habit of dropping it off buildings. In fact the only way to give it more protection is to get it a Sicilian Godfather. Unfortunately like most Sicilian God Daughters, it's just too ugly and comes at too high a price.
39) Pinball - Cool iPhone Case (Something something Wizard?)
OK, so this one.... should it be here? Is it a phone case, is it really? Well OK, it's not, but it is awesome, and frankly more practical than 90% of the others on this list. Go buy it now and play that silver ball. Pinball's cool too!
40) Sponge iPhone Case (I wouldn't have believed this existed, had I not seen some of the others.)
This one is genius. No really... what this company have done is adapted a sponge and turned it into an phone case. Not only will it make you look like you shop in the Pound Store, it will make your expensive, next generation piece of tech... water absorbent. Perfect for those who want to trade style and functionality for ridicule and a broken phone. It does however have an apple logo on the side, so some idiots are going to buy this.
41) Bubble-Wrap iPhone Case (a case of less fun)
If ever there was a product which missed the point entirely, then here it is. A bubble wrap case for your phone, with real unpoppable bubbles... Wait what... unpoppable? WTF? There is a cheaper version of the case too. It's called bubble-wrap and is available from the Post Office.
42) The Insulin Injection iPhone case (The only one that will actually do anyone any good... unless of course you're not diabetic)
I feel mean including this one, because if you have diabetes, then this is arguably a very cool case and probably pretty useful. I just can't help thinking maybe people with this condition have solutions of their own and they don't need to wear it on their iPhone.
43) StuckOnz NanoHolds Covers for iPhone 6 (The case time left behind... or at least you will in time)
If like me, you love nothing more than leaving your phone in cafés, on buses, in bars, toilets and basically anywhere you shouldn't, then this could be the case for you. The Stuckonz Nanopadz offers you the chance to stick your phone to a flat surface like a bus shelter or a pub mirror or a window. Presumably so you can covertly film your flatmates in the shower. Naturally it's only a matter of time before you leave it stuck somewhere stupid and lose it. Oddly the project has smashed its crowd funding target mark and now it's only a matter of time, before you can find a free iPhone stuck to a nightclub mirror...
44) Ouija Board Wooden iPhone 6 case (spooky!)
Sometimes it's not enough contacting friends and family at home and abroad. So for those who are looking to make connections on the other side, this is the case for you. Just be careful before signing any new contracts.
And so as we move towards the grand finale I'd just like to throw in a couple of little outfits for your iPhone. These are for the kind of people that dress their dogs up at Christmas and talk to their teddy bears when no one's looking....
46) Hoodie iPhone Sleeve (whatcha looking at?)
If you want your iPhone to look like it doesn't tidy its bedroom, spends its week hanging out at the local mall taking ecstasy and listening to banging tunes, then nothing is going to fit better than this little number. Just don't expect it to come home when you tell it too, and the only call you're likely to get from it will be from the arresting officer.
47) The Judas Priest iPhone 5 Case (Hell for Leather)
Well you can't complain about your lack of signal when your iPhone is sporting this little number. Although quite what signal you're sending out is another story entirely. Also available in M & S... sorry I meant S & M...
And so we move from madness to genius....it's always been a fine line, and sometimes it just comes come down to how many lines you've had.
For the last set we're heading for Hollywood.
48) Iron Man iPhone 6 Case ( it's like Iron Man but for your phone )
Tony Stark would be proud of this cool little gizmo. Yeah I know, I said cool. It does look a bit like a little iron man and while it probably won't offer the same protection as the 'I don't bend Case' above, it's a damn sight prettier and cheaper and doesn't look like something out of Space 1999 (google it kids)
49) DeLorean iPhone Case ( Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads)
It was a tough call for the top spot, but in bronze position... who doesn't love a flying time machine iPhone case. It really does look the business. Just don't blame us when you find your self shouting 'Great Scott!” every time your phone goes.
50) Batman iPhone Case (Dannanananannananananananna Batman!)
Shut up and look at it... Bask in the silver medal magnificence... I am going to marry the first person I see, with their iPhone in this case. I don't even care what sex they are... I mean look at it... and it even projects a little bat logo out the back... well it might do, I can't understand the leaflet. Someone please write in and tell us...
And here we come to the end.... the maddest case to exist. Ladies and Gentlemen of the internet please allow me to introduce you to...
the iPhone case with built in cup holder:
Yep in this the age of the hipster, some idiot has decided that what the bearded ones need is a phone case that can hold a Starbucks flat white with chocolate sprinkles. Yes, this is a case for a person who cannot be separated from their own iPhone long enough to drink a cup of coffee. On the plus side, it's only a matter of time before said hipsters pour scolding coffee or green tea over their genitals while answering a call from their therapists.
*BONUS 1 : The not a Case Case... (you heard right)
iFlask Website: http://bit.ly/1HKjcuk
OK so this one is the odd one out, because it's not actually an iPhone case at all... it's just a hip flask designed to look like an iPhone. It bombed on Kick-starter, but it's back and taking orders. It's discrete and ironically looks more like an iPhone case than most of the other cases in this article. Drink and be merry for festival season is upon us.
*BONUS 2 : The Whistle Case (Does = Tin)
The original iPhone was supposed to come with a built in whistle*, but mere weeks before the device was finalised, Apple had a sit down in a corner and had a quiet word with itself before realising it was a fucking stupid idea.
*(no of course not)
So that's it for now, we laughed, we laughed a bit harder and possibly hid behind the sofa on occasion, but hopefully we've had some fun along the way.
If you think we're done though, you're wrong. This is the era of the 3d printer and the time of the lab in the shed. If making stuff up as I go along has taught me anything, it's that we haven't even seen the ultimate iPhone case yet.
And that's where you lot come in... if you could create the perfect or maddest iphone case, what would it do? What would it look like? be made from? What's your inspiration? Tell us everything, and we promise we'll only steal the patents for the practical ones.
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